Exploding Energy, here come the 2s!

    

     So I don't know what happened between last week and this week but Dakota has had an explosion of energy this week! She is go, go, go, from 7:30am to 9:30pm with approximately only an hour nap these days. As independent as she is she is getting to a point where she wants to be challenged, but yet is getting frustrated. She is getting into interlocking puzzles but throws the pieces if they don't fit right, even though she knows full well its supposed to go there. Most of the time she is right but she just doesn't have it positioned quite right...so mommy to the rescue. She is an artist, in one day she colored, used stickers and painted a huge piece of paper in about 20 minutes and has since now continuously brought me the paints. While mommy doesn't mind mess, paint we must learn is not a 24/7 option, and that's a hard concept to learn. She loves letters and has finally been able to say in correct order the letters in her name except K, but its constantly pointing and looking to mommy when she gets stuck. There were days I  was concerned of how timid she was of physical activity, but  she is finally catching up and has become a daredevil. Just last night she  knocked over our glass decorative table even though we have told her over and over again that that would eventually happen, if she kept hanging on it. She has had a bruise on her head all week from diving into the wall, which again I had been waiting for it to happen. She loves to nose dive into the pile of blankets we have on the floor to replace our non existing couch. I am utterly exhausted by the time I put her to bed, and am not sure I can keep up with her everyday like this, but I certainly try.

      However, when the exhaustion sets in I just am thankful at the end of the day that its me that gets to spend these crazy exploding leaps and bounds of growing and learning she is making, with her. It makes my heart melt to watch her learn new things. I know if I was working I would ultimately miss many of those heart melting moments. Underneath the exhaustion, underneath the mounds of laundry and dishes, underneath the repetitiveness of the days activities, underneath the booboos and tears, underneath the tantrums and frustration (hers and mine), at the end of the day I know I am absolutely blessed! I am thankful for this time I have with her after all the stress we have gone through as a family, I finally feel like I am fully enjoying motherhood. Despite the immense exhaustion, I know it will be over in the blink of an eye, so for now I will take the exhaustion and enjoy my time as mom.

On Eagles Wings

  

Photo obtained from Free Eagle Pictures

      So while this weeks yoga didn't touch me this week as deeply as it has in weeks past the message reminded me of the song many of us as Christians hold close to our hearts. On Eagles Wings...

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
Who abide in His shadow for life,
Say to the Lord, "My Refuge,
My Rock in Whom I trust."
CHORUS:
And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;
Under His Wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day,
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.
CHORUS

For to His angels He's given a command,
To guard you in all of your ways,
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
CHORUS

And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

      God protects us (under his wing) when we follow him (if we choose to follow him) and he is always there ready to catch us and accept us, no matter where we have been, no matter if we have followed Him wholeheartedly or have wandered off. When we trust in God we have in return his protection and shield. "You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord, Who abide in His shadow for life,"..."Under His Wings your refuge, His faithfulness your shield." It is by God's grace that we are saved and protected from the devil. It is His faithfulness that is never shaken.

     When we accept to follow God we can dwell in that shelter of protection he provides "The snare of the fowler will never capture you," we can trust that the devil has no true power over us as long as we have God's shelter or 'wing'.

     What is the protection that God provides? "The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;"..."You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day, Though thousands fall about you,"...It is protection against the devil. Will we still have struggles? Yes of course we live in a sinful world but God says because the devil has no true power over us when we have his protection, we shouldn't fear those struggles, because God is there to protect what's truly important our Soul and our everlasting life with Him. This doesn't mean that he won't provide us with blessings... "And He will raise you up on eagle's wings, Bear you on the breath of dawn, Make you to shine like the sun, And hold you in the palm of His Hand."..."For to His angels He's given a command,To guard you in all of your ways, Upon their hands they will bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone."...God want's us to shine now and forever with Him. In this way we have his protection and peace, that when we trust in Him we have his protection towards the devil! In the end past all our struggles on earth, when we trust in God, we know we will get the best gifts ever. To be with Him eternally in heaven, under God's grace and protection! That is definitely something to celebrate!

On Eagles Wings was written by Father Jan Michael Joncas after a friends father died of a heart attack and was first sung for his funeral services. You can check out more about this here.

Here is the Psalm it was based on:

Psalms 91 - NIV Translation
(Psa 91:1 NIV) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (Psa 91:2 NIV) I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." (Psa 91:3 NIV) Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. (Psa 91:4 NIV) He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. (Psa 91:5 NIV) You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, (Psa 91:6 NIV) nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. (Psa 91:7 NIV) A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. (Psa 91:8 NIV) You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. (Psa 91:9 NIV) If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge-- (Psa 91:10 NIV) then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. (Psa 91:11 NIV) For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; (Psa 91:12 NIV) they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. (Psa 91:13 NIV) You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. (Psa 91:14 NIV) "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. (Psa 91:15 NIV) He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. (Psa 91:16 NIV) With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

My Kid is Pretty Awesome!

    

     Have you ever had a moment with your child, where you just go hmm... you're pretty cool. I totally had that moment today! I was getting gas and I always make faces at Dakota to entertain her. I have always done this since she was teeny tiny and today she just full on was making faces back at me laughing hysterically. I realized that this moment I have had with her on a weekly basis has grown and evolved. It started with her 2 years ago just staring blankly back at me and probably thinking what in the world is my mom doing? She's absolutely nuts. To recently where she has been making faces back at me and joining in on the fun.
     Its pretty cool to see her grow in her personality and to know that she's goofy and weird just like her parents. As I was doing this today, I had a brief moment of, I wonder what people are thinking right now as I am sticking my tongue out and dancing around but then I didn't care what they thought its a great moment we have together with an everyday task. I'm hoping that we can have many more of these goofy moments and that she will learn to be her crazy goofy self without noticing what others think of her.
     She is definitely gaining more and more confidence everyday and is a whacko sometimes, but I really wouldn't have it any other way! I'm glad to see that despite some of my insecurities that I am passing along a great skill, forgetting everyone around you and being yourself! I truly hope she continues to grow in this confidence and continues making goofy faces and running circles in the grocery store like a maniac. If I only had that same carefree perspective on life that she possesses at the age of 2. I hope that never goes away for her, cause she's pretty awesome! :)

Past the Tragedy: A Parents Perspective

     September 11th has been a solemn day in our house, my husband was very affected by the tragedy, he knew people that passed on that tragic day 13 years ago. This is the first year that it hasn't weighed heavily on him. Time heals all wounds, or so they say. This is one wound that while we want to heal, we also don't want to forget.
     Even though I was affected as well, I did not know anyone personally that was directly affected. My family also tried to keep the day a happy one, as it is also my sisters birthday. So as our family still recognized and remembered the event it wasn't at the forefront of our life. My husband on the other hand, you could see the day weigh heavily on him as he remembered the lives lost and the journey that led him to join the Navy. I often feel helpless as the day approaches every year, although each year has become a little easier. So now here's the question how do we pass on this tragedy to Dakota? Not as a tragedy but more as a lesson in life and history.

     This morning I saw a post on a facebook community page, where it was asked why all the flags were at half mast? This saddened me. A day that seemed to bring the country together is becoming a forgotten memory. How do we keep this memory alive? As I look back, what I remember is how everyone banded together. People all of a sudden started talking about God, faith, family, friends, and America. There was a spirit that was created despite the tragedy. As I am writing this the Toby Keith song pops into my head, Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue or The Angry American, if you haven't heard it, you should. So why is it that as years pass, we no longer hold that spirit, there's less talk about God, faith, family, friends, and America. In fact it seems that America has become split and people are more interested in proving their opinion right than banding together.

     So what do we teach Dakota about this day in history? We teach her to remember that these lives lost are worth remembering. We share with her that while this was a tragedy, it brought so many people together, and it created a spirit that I haven't witnessed since. We teach her that love and respect is everything, as well as forgiveness, and that there's a time to defend the gifts we are given. We teach her that God, faith, family, friends, and our country aren't just important during tragedy but everyday. As we sit here and try to come up with a way that we could simply explain what unfolded that day, we aren't sure how we will share the actual event with her. We do know that we need to share it with her, among other holidays such as the 4th of July, Pearl Harbor Day, Memorial Day, and Veterans Day. We really want to strive to instill some traditions that will keep the memory alive, not focused on the tragedy, but on the lives of those we have lost, as no one's life should be forgotten. We also want to create a strength in her to not fear, but to stand up for God, faith, family, friends, and our country.


 

Where Did the Time Go?

  

Dakota's Grand Appearance just over 2 years ago!

 

Dakota as we celebrated her turning 2  this past weekend!


     So where did those precious 2 years go? Everyone always told us, enjoy the time because it goes by so fast and it truly does. I find myself sharing the same words, enjoy every minute. Although truth be told I think now that our life is starting to settle down it is the first time I think I've found myself truly savoring those little moments with her. As my husband and I were looking back and comparing where we were at when she turned 1 to where we are at now as she turned 2, it is truly a whole different world. We are truly blessed! The stress we carry now is so much less and there isn't so much of a sense of worry or hurriedness. My husband specifically brought up how he was unemployed when we celebrated Dakota's first birthday. Now, as we celebrated her second, he holds a great job where he feels comfortable and we finally have a sense of security. We struggled last year to pay for a simple gathering (where everyone ended up ditching us anyways) to this year where I was able to put together a theme for her party, where it was intimate, but filled with people who truly cared about our family. The people we have surrounded ourselves with has changed, our environment has changed, and our attitude has changed. It is amazing the transformation that has happened within the last couple years.

All this is truly a time to cherish as we continue to celebrate Dakotas next year ahead...

     This is also a time of healing for me. As I look back, I still struggle and as much as I look forward to the adventures ahead, I can't help but look back. Not in a negative way where I am stuck in the past, but in a sense of healing and moving on to what the future holds. As our life is settling down (as much as it can), I now feel like I finally have the opportunity to truly rest. To address the physical and emotional pain throughout the first years of Dakota's life. As much as I tried, I feel like I missed a lot of moments, not that I wasn't there for those moments physically, but my mind was always one step ahead. Dealing with the stresses of our life, trying to heal physically from my csection and struggling with post partum depression, I struggled to be there for her. This didn't mean I didn't love being a mom, and didn't enjoy Dakota, but like so many others I had more bad days than good. I hold a lot of guilt for those bad days, those times I curled up in bed and ignored her cries, luckily she had daddy there by her side when I couldn't be. Its amazing even as I have been healing from the PPD how much guilt I hold in my heart. Even though she is a healthy thriving 2 year old those angry/sad moments weigh on me. This just makes me want to savor the present moment even more now as I am healing. I am currently learning the skills I need to slow down my mind and be in the present moment. It is truly helping me enjoy my time with Dakota and is helping our family as a whole. It is amazing the difference in my time spent with her and I truly cherish those little moments.

     I am so thankful I have gotten to a place where I can heal and enjoy the amazing gift I have been given. Dakota is truly our little angel and has brought us both much peace despite the struggles. She is sensitive, empathetic, kind, stubborn, smart, and goofy. She has a great all around personality that sparkles. She naturally attracts attention. She has great all around interests from all things girlie like tutus and dolls, to puzzles, to tools. She is an amazing little person and I am excited to continue to see her personality grow. I still am amazed that she was once tiny enough to fit in my tummy.