Where Did the Time Go?

  

Dakota's Grand Appearance just over 2 years ago!

 

Dakota as we celebrated her turning 2  this past weekend!


     So where did those precious 2 years go? Everyone always told us, enjoy the time because it goes by so fast and it truly does. I find myself sharing the same words, enjoy every minute. Although truth be told I think now that our life is starting to settle down it is the first time I think I've found myself truly savoring those little moments with her. As my husband and I were looking back and comparing where we were at when she turned 1 to where we are at now as she turned 2, it is truly a whole different world. We are truly blessed! The stress we carry now is so much less and there isn't so much of a sense of worry or hurriedness. My husband specifically brought up how he was unemployed when we celebrated Dakota's first birthday. Now, as we celebrated her second, he holds a great job where he feels comfortable and we finally have a sense of security. We struggled last year to pay for a simple gathering (where everyone ended up ditching us anyways) to this year where I was able to put together a theme for her party, where it was intimate, but filled with people who truly cared about our family. The people we have surrounded ourselves with has changed, our environment has changed, and our attitude has changed. It is amazing the transformation that has happened within the last couple years.

All this is truly a time to cherish as we continue to celebrate Dakotas next year ahead...

     This is also a time of healing for me. As I look back, I still struggle and as much as I look forward to the adventures ahead, I can't help but look back. Not in a negative way where I am stuck in the past, but in a sense of healing and moving on to what the future holds. As our life is settling down (as much as it can), I now feel like I finally have the opportunity to truly rest. To address the physical and emotional pain throughout the first years of Dakota's life. As much as I tried, I feel like I missed a lot of moments, not that I wasn't there for those moments physically, but my mind was always one step ahead. Dealing with the stresses of our life, trying to heal physically from my csection and struggling with post partum depression, I struggled to be there for her. This didn't mean I didn't love being a mom, and didn't enjoy Dakota, but like so many others I had more bad days than good. I hold a lot of guilt for those bad days, those times I curled up in bed and ignored her cries, luckily she had daddy there by her side when I couldn't be. Its amazing even as I have been healing from the PPD how much guilt I hold in my heart. Even though she is a healthy thriving 2 year old those angry/sad moments weigh on me. This just makes me want to savor the present moment even more now as I am healing. I am currently learning the skills I need to slow down my mind and be in the present moment. It is truly helping me enjoy my time with Dakota and is helping our family as a whole. It is amazing the difference in my time spent with her and I truly cherish those little moments.

     I am so thankful I have gotten to a place where I can heal and enjoy the amazing gift I have been given. Dakota is truly our little angel and has brought us both much peace despite the struggles. She is sensitive, empathetic, kind, stubborn, smart, and goofy. She has a great all around personality that sparkles. She naturally attracts attention. She has great all around interests from all things girlie like tutus and dolls, to puzzles, to tools. She is an amazing little person and I am excited to continue to see her personality grow. I still am amazed that she was once tiny enough to fit in my tummy.