Living With Open Hands

 

      So last nights yoga message almost brought me to tears, the message was amazing and something I totally needed to hear. I left the center with such a sense of calm and amazing peace, it actually felt very strange to me. It was in a way very healing for me. It was living life with open hands. But not in a worldly sense. We have had so many challenges in the past few years, some we probably could have prevented and some purely out of our control. It was easy to question God at times and I admit I had a hard time believing that God would provide during some of those days, but someone always stepped in and God never left us without what we truly needed. We never went without food though sometimes it was little and I had to learn to stretch the money we had. We never went without clothes although some of them were wearing thin. And although we always had the fear in the back of our head he never left us without shelter. It hasn't just been financial challenges but health challenges as well, living with constant pain, some days better than others, in the worst days, its easy to challenge God and ask why?

     Last nights message set so deep in me. God is in control and NOTHING, not a single thing is ours, not even our life, even our breath belongs to Him. We belong to God. Sometimes we tend to hold on so tight for the fear of failing or purely for fear of letting go of something cherished. I know I have trouble letting go and I think its something many of us struggle with. Since I have really become aware of this I have been trying more and more to learn to just let go. I have heard this message so many times before but I think I finally understand it. I truly connected yesterday with God in a state of calm rather than a state of panic and really got the opportunity to see how our life has changed when I have been able to let go.

     A few specifics came directly to mind. I thought about our beautiful Toyota Tacoma that we had to give up, realistically we should have looked into options long before it getting repossessed, as we learned after all it wasn't that hard to sell. We assumed we would lose in the end. The fear of losing a possession like that was in all reality silly. Do we still miss it, oh yeah!! We were however blessed with an alternative and have survived. A huge lesson in possession was our mold infestation, when your life is in the balance or quality of life its sometimes easier to let go. I was so frustrated and so mad that I was able to let go of and dump so many possessions during our move. I didn't even want to chance it. We still don't have a couch but we have survived. It's annoying at times but it wasn't worth risking our health.

     Speaking of moving, I cannot say enough how much of a blessing in disguise it was! It gave us an opportunity to start fresh and we have made the most of that! I truly believe our mental state was severely effected by our environment but none the less we have let go of a lot. I truly believe this was the last straw the point that I snapped and said I give up, in a good way. I really did not question God on this one, except for a momentary breakdown when deciding to sign our current lease, but I think that was more just being overwhelmed with everything happening in a short span. I could have continued to ask God why us and dwell on the fact that we struggled for a good year and a lot of it due to our environment. Instead we took it as an opportunity to start fresh to live more positively and for me personally to live more with and for God. Its amazing the blessings God has given us since we have moved. I don't want to directly relate it to our actions but His perfect timing. A new job for my husband, health insurance, an opportunity for me to be able to stay at home without as much financial stress, and the realization of a new passion and the possibility of a future photography business. God gives us blessings in his perfect timing!

     As far as my health goes, that has been a battle, but I continue to learn some days I have to let go. I know when I'm feeling well I feel that urge to take on the world and I try so hard to control what I can, a lot of times over doing it, and my body lets me know it. But over the years I have learned its best to listen to my body and let go of everything around me to take care of myself. Especially when I'm feeling well. This is still a challenge as its hard for me to miss out or let people down. But I'm learning.

     Last night the instructor mentioned Job how after losing everything he still praised God. Not going to lie there were days I commiserated with Job, but I never got that second part right. Job really went through some horrific things and it should be an inspiration to all Christians to appreciate what we have, whether it is little or great, for none of it is truly ours, and can be taken away in an instant.

    This message hit home, has made me want to improve upon myself even more, to live even more with positivity, to live truly for God! For his blessings in life are truly great, no matter the size! Let us all remember that our lives are not ours alone that even our breath does not belong to us, but to God.